bringing it back

after some time off… nearly a year.. i’ve decided to make my way back to the blogging world.

shawnabonnabobonna, one of my old roomies, has created a fabulous blog that has somehow remained out of my sight until today. she’s inspired me.. so i’m bringing some pieces of our life back to wordpress.

i’ve realized that blogging for me is not necessarily an avenue for me to feel heard .. but more of an excuse for me to be accountable to creating a good story. i’ve been reading donald miller’s book a million miles in a thousand years and it has made me realize a few things.

one) i am too comfortable. (“humans are designed to seek comfort and order, and so if they have comfort and order, they tend to plant themselves, even if they secretly want for something better.” …”i realized how much of our lives are spent trying to avoid conflict. half the commercials on television are selling us something that will make life easier. part of me wonders if our stories aren’t being stolen by the easy life.”) i love order. i love lists. i love knowing what is going to happen. unfortunately, word on the street is it’s not really up to me (jer 29:11). i’m gonna work on being okay when things don’t quite go the way i think they should.

two) if i want a better story, a less comfortable, less predictable, less controlled story, i’ve got to let go of what is holding me back… essentially, fear. (“mike was saying, that the great stories go to those who don’t give in to fear. the most often repeated commandment in the Bible is “do not fear.’ it’s in there over 200 times. it means we are going to be afraid, and it means we shouldn’t let fear boss us around.”) i’m fearful of: hurting people’s feelings, breaking the rules, getting in trouble, doing something that might be considered unforgivable, being overly anything (charismatic, loud, sarcastic, safe, etc)… and so many more things. i don’t think my life is controlled by fear, however, i do think i let fear hold me back from living a much more adventurous and fulfilling story.

three) it’s not going to be easy. i remember my last few years at Pepperdine.. constantly pondering my purpose in life, my job, and okay, to be honest, we may have had a few conversations about the color of our future bridesmaids dresses. we had grand expectations of the ways that we could do things differently.. love more and do more. it has been exactly four years since i graduated. (“i think this is when most people give up on their stories. they come out of college wanting to change the world, wanting to get married, wanting to have kids and change the way people buy office supplies. but they get into the middle and discover it was harder than they thought. they can’t see the distant shore anymore, and they wonder if their paddling is moving them forward. none of the trees behind them are getting smaller and none of the trees ahead are getting bigger. they take it out on their spouses, and they go looking for an easier story.”) it’s true. and heartbreaking. and if i’m not bold and determined and aware… i could sink in the middle when it really gets tough. (“…i remembered about story, about how every conflict, no matter how hard, comes back to bless the protagonist if he will face his fate with courage.”)

well… i have a few pages left… but i guess i’ve quoted the majority of his book in this post. it’s good. and anything that gets me thinking is exciting.

hopefully i will have some fun, entertaining, adventurous, and possibly tragic stories to report as i get out beyond the scope of comfort and start selling myself to the life He has for me.